PART ONE
Even before I begin to pen my thoughts,I need to consider a few
things regarding the Kids raised under different set of
circumstances,situations,class,country....its not easy for me to judge
others on my believes,cause its not right on my part to impart
advices,as I myself is a "Learner"...With respect to all the readers as a
Parent,I understand,You are doing a wonderful job of raising your
child/children.With all the sacrifices you do,The love and care,which
Only a thoughtful,Parent can give,The bond You share with your
Child.....Its only between the "Parent and Child"....thus it makes the
relationship....so special !!!
I was born and raised in India.Yes I do have some very Modern as well as
some very Ancient ( according to some) ways of thinking.Don't judge
me....its not my fault, :) . We all evolve with time,in some cases time
goes ahead leaving you behind,but,to make things run smoothly you need
to go forward and keep pace with time.I'm of the understanding,when one
is at the learning stage...starting off as a new
born...toddler...kindergartner...and so on...The child looks up to the
Parents and peers for guidance,support, and Advice.It becomes the duty
of the Parent to Guide the child,Nurture the innocent brain, feed it
with care and Love.In these times,its what You as a parent has learn t
and experienced comes to use.We impart to the child,what we know the
good the bad,its our life experience that we impart to our offspring,...we
try to keep our child safe...we set examples...as good parents...
When my parents raised Me, My dad, imparted the knowledge of/from his
generation,what he as a child learned,through his mistakes and He was
careful enough to see that I didn't make those choices and tried to keep
me safe...( did he do anything wrong,by trying to keep me safe ??)...When
I was young,I thought my dad was,over protective..I failed to see the
undying Love and Care and Fear,my Dad had for me...Thats because I was
not yet a "Parent"...
Times have seen changes,generation gaps are still mentioned from time to time.I was born during the era of....Bread,
Led Zeppelin,April wine, Bee Gees, The Doors, Rolling stones Boston, Billy Idol, Metallica ,MJ, Madonna, Dire Straits, Radio Head, Nirvana, 311,Alice in Chains, Guns N Roses,Santana,.........just to name a few....I grew up listening to them and crooning to their tunes...My Preteen has No idea who these are...She belongs to the generation of...Rihanna, Katy perry, Shakira ,Beyonce, Usher, Nicki Minaj, Adele, Taylor swift......to name a few.....In this age and era of Tech,X box, Laptops ,iPads, and all the other gadgets....There seems to be a void between the Parent and the child..not to forget the extra curricular activities,which take away a lot of time....The tech savvy Parents versus the tech savvy kids !!! Parents all over the world,be it India or America..look for lone time...and children are being encouraged to be independent and keep themselves busy with...Gadgets.
In spite of all the modernization and the technology,Parents have always wanted one thing, which they have made as their Priority in life ( and those who haven't, its high time you did ) The safety and well being of their children. No matter, how broad minded,well educated and modern you are...at the end of the day....You are a "Parent".
PART TWO
Do,I need to doubt my abilities as a Mother ? as a Nurturer ?Well,after some debate last night over how to raise Desi kids in the States,I began to wonder.This takes me back to the generation gap and the cultural infrastructure.
In my experience ( which is relatively vast) I have not come across anyone who sincerely asks for Advice,I have come to understand that when a person,comes to you seeking for your Advice,He/She has already done the research and has come to a conclusion,of the situation.Then,asking for a Advice,can be a matter of habit,or a matter of satisfaction.So,this person feels safer,knowing that,there's another,who sees His/Her point of view and agrees.....Like wise,I do my research carefully and then decide to ask for a second opinion,I'm broad minded and always open to suggestions and like to know what a like minded person would have to say....
But,I would say its not wise on my part to ask a "yet to be parent" about raising Desi Kids in America !! Here its tricky and no matter how like minded or compatible one would be, but,A parent has a totally different view point,almost opposing to that of the 'yet to be parent'....Over the years as a Parent, my priorities seem to have changed,It wasn't unexpected or didn't come as a rude shock...I changed with the change.....Before,I can go any further,I need to take this journey down the memory lane.....It goes way back to my Dad and his growing up days. I agree Living in a big city,or a modern society,brings a change in a person.One can be totally foolish living amongst scholars,or be aloof and lonely living in NYC !!.....like wise,you can be broad minded living in a small town or narrow minded living in a city.....Growing up in my home town,I was considered to be a misfit,because of my thoughts and my modern thinking.....Now I am here in this Modern,broad minded,forward country ......and looks like,I am left behind.....uff
Back in those days 1950's,this is when my Dad was single,He had totally different views which naturally opposed and stood out from the rest of the common crowd.Yes,he wanted to escape from the narrow mindedness and the norms, which bind us to the so called society.To have it his way,He remained single for as long as he possibly could.When all of his friends got married,to the girls chosen for them by the Parents ( called as arranged marriages ),My Dad,went ahead and said he wouldn't settle for any arranged marriage.Call him a rebel !! He went to live in the cities...had a few relationships which didn't work.Finally,my grand dad had to step in and an ultimatum was given.To cut the long story short,My dad married my Mom.He still maintained his thoughts about the society and how he wants to lead His life and what he had in store for his offspring.So,the "yet to be Dad"...was busy making plans,to be the "most broad minded dad" to give the offspring...All the liberty and Freedom and be a buddy !!! okay,sounds interesting...There,the offspring came along,in a Pink bundle...A Baby Girrrrl !!!
Okay, that's me the First born.Now,it was left to see,was he gonna keep his word?? was he gonna be the broad minded dad,he claimed to be...Ahaan,The fun part has yet to begin,( if you're a Dad and your reading this you know what I mean ).... I was the Apple of His Eye !!! A tiny little scratch and the whole roof would come down...My every wish was his command...This,one particular incident,is for ever itched in my mind....we had gone to Bangalore( state capital of Karnataka) which is situated in the South of India...and we were almost reaching back home,to Mangalore...Our driver Dharampal was driving...I must have been 17 yrs old...and I suddenly...gasped,at my forgetfulness,and loudly made a comment....."papa,I had seen this one beautiful gown on Brigade...and goshhh,I wanted it so bad" :( :( .That was it,Dharampal was asked to turn around and we were going back to B'lore for that gown !!!! can you believe it ??? Well that's one side to my loving Papa...I never had to ask for anything twice !! call me pampered ....On the other hand...I was all of 10 and had this desire to learn, to play the Guitar...the answer was NO, a flat NO. Extra curricular activities would interfere with my studies...I was 13 and wanted to learn swimming,again....it was NO. I was 15 and wanted to learn Karate....NO.In the meanwhile my siblings,my 2 brothers,were in to sports,music,instrument...and the blah blah.
At 17,I was a total rebel,I went ahead and took swimming lessons,with out my dad's permission.This doesn't mean I didn't respect him,I was just learning to come out from under his wings.I was trying to tell my Dad its okay,I can take care of myself,he needn't worry.But,each person has a different way of conveying a message,some do it aggressively some do it calmly,ultimately it is you who has to decide.There is no Right or Wrong,what you perceive to be "Right",could be "Wrong" in my view. Yes,I was raised with a boundary line drawn neatly and wasn't supposed to cross it.This used to a common practice in almost all the house holds back home in M'lore.One more stricter, than the other.Looking back,I consider myself Lucky cause,I have seen and known some friends,whose parents,were far more strict than my dad.Talking about boys or thinking of a having a boyfriend was Taboo........
Time and again I have rebelled,this is when I was in my 20s yes 20s !! I was offered a job as a Ground Hostess..and this is what my Dad had to say...."Over my dead body,you are NOT taking this job,You are My daughter and you aren't going to work". He was of the thought,that he would be looked down upon,and the damn society would think my dad wasn't capable of taking care of his Family..so,Family,Name and Prestige were the 3 vital issues.......
No man was good enough for this "Papa's girl" Men who came were Analyzed under a microscope.So,years went by,I was seeing my friends marrying and settling down.At 29 the rebel in me woke up,only to get married to the person I had never met before......( yes, I was in for this arranged marriage)...Life is a Gamble,and I'm all for risks !! I have taken risks in the past here and there,a tiny one here a tiny one there...Risks which didn't involve my Family,Risks which were harmless,Risks which didn't hurt someone.I have Gambled with life...But,come to think of it..destiny has always had a different game planed out for me....So,this gambler settles down.....been 15 yrs.
When did I turn and tune in to sound and act like my Dad??? When my Pink Bundle was handed over to me !!! the Fragile little thing,melted my heart,is it possible to Love somebody unconditionally ?? Is it possible to lay your self down for somebody ?? Yes it is...Every parent can do it...Welcome to Parenthood !! I the one with the free spirit...I the Broad minded one....I the Gambler,has turned into the ....Over protective,Paranoid Mom !!!.....Now I ask you.......is it okay or is it not okay ???
I wouldn't want my kid going to parties at 14 or 15, why ?? cause its NOT safe. She's my baby and I have every right to decide what is good for Her and what she needs to stay away from...I as a Parent is here, to Guide her, To Protect, to see to it that she doesn't fall into bad company,I'm doing my best to teach her to be Alert and stay safe, It is My Duty. I don't give a S*** about what the society or others have to say regarding me as a over protective Mom. My child will learn on her own with my support,she'll get to party with her friends,but at the right age. She'll get to enjoy life, You need to prioritize your life...life is just not about parties, and Boys. Everything has a place and time......She is a preteen, and has a whole life ahead of her, to think of Boys or Parties !!....Right now,its all about studies and her Karate and growing up to be a responsible,level headed individual .It wont be long when she will begin to make her own choices,Think for herself. When she begins to show maturity in her thoughts and day to day life, I'll know its time for me to back off a little bit and let her Fly. Until that day,I'm her "Over Protective,Paranoid Mom"...I'm Proud of myself.... this is how its gonna be,for some more years....as of now, its not gonna change anything :). I don't fear change, because change is inevitable......We just learn to change with time.....Its just Time !!!!
I don't think as Mother, it makes me any backward,old fashioned or narrow minded, if I don't let my baby have it her way....when I know for sure Her way could be a way to Pain and Hurt...why would I want my child to take that way??, I rather teach her how to avoid it.These are her grooming days,Her foundation needs to be strong,for her to build her empire over it.This is where my child needs all the guidance and support that I can provide.I don't want her making any fast paced attempt and then find herself in the wrong direction.I as her Mother,has the best intentions....and She knows it !!! She can have all that she wants.....Parties,Boy Friend,Car...............All at the Right Time !!!!!
Hello Papa......I'm walking In your Foot Steps....Now I know,what it is like to be a Parent.....And I Love You even More...muah
I love you mommy you're totally right everything has the right time and I am sure I will understand what it means to be a parent when my time comes until then don't give up you're duty as a mother cause your the best at it I love you
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