Two Sides To the Coin~~~~

                       The Lucky One has seen the"Kitten in me"...This aggressive Aries can Prrr like a kitten, when in love. Which lasts just as long, as I know that my Love is being reciprocated, in the manner I deserve.When I adore the object of my affection,My Love knows no boundaries,I can go all out of the way to win you over with Love, Care,Affection,Adoration,Dedication,Loyalty...Satisfy all your whims and fancies,because I feel its my duty. This phase stays with me,until I wake up to the reality.I can count on my fingers...how many have seen this "Kitten" in me....just Two !! yes,I have been in relationships,hard to say how many...but,its Only the Lucky Two who got the taste of the "Kitten in me"......

            After all the high tide,the calm sets in,and its the dawn of realization,and the Kitten returns back to her normal self..."Aggressive Tigress" is what I call myself,after a careful self assessment. I hate to see me in Love,I hate it when I'm in Love,I hate the vulnerable Me. Where I prrr and coochie coo and get all mushy...doesn't suit me. I have come to the conclusion I wasn't made for Love. They are just 2 types of people whom I can Love, with totality and sincerity..whom, I have divided into 2 categories...They are, the ones, whom I can Respect and the ones I love out of Pity.
          
              If I put you up on the Pedestal,its out of Respect and Admiration...which evolves into Love...Love totally made to idolize and worship..I can give you the reigns....and sit back,let you take over and dominate me. Because,I may be led to believe that you are worthy and deserving. One tiny bubble can puncture my imagination and you can come tumbling down,from the pedestal !!!
and then,I know you were just a mere Human,with errors and egos.

             In the 2nd category,I love you,out of Pity.I want to care,I want to stay,I want to Love..but it all boils down to pity. I cant get myself to hurt you,cause you have meant me no harm... nor do you get my Respect...cause you have let me take the reigns for far too long. Letting me dominate you. This has always led to confusion.

            Being always in confusion has not solved anything,being unable to voice thoughts has had the opposite effect,and being able to voice thoughts has its own fears,sends you thinking...."did I do the right thing,talking"?? When ever I have been in such confused state of mind,I like to stay away,I go into the cocooning phase and shut out,I feel safe when I'm "thinking",I come out still confused...as to "how do I say, what I need to say, to the other person" Is it gonna get any better?? or stale away...I need to choose my words carefully...I need to make myself Understood,I need to make my point clear with out crossing boundaries most importantly,I shouldn't get aggressive,sarcastic or hurt the other person or embarrass myself.......
      
                    In spite of all the wall talk ( talking to myself ) I'm unable to let go.I hate it when I'm being reminded of the recent past.Why is it so difficult for me to let go ?? Is it because until now...NO man had the audacity to take me for granted ?? and here I face the man,whom I adore and I don't get what I expect....So what is it that I expect from "Him"?? In this day and age of relationships with no strings attached and Friends with Benefits,I don't gel "in"its a scary thought for me to have a relationship,break up and still stay friends...ufff, its hard to digest. Cause if I were to "break up" then there would be some reason behind the break up. It can be Hurt,Pain,Lies,Trust Issues....although I may forgive...I never forget.The trust is gone Forever. I do have my share of  "Ex" with whom I'm still in touch and they are all great dudes....The reason why I'm still friends with them is .....cause they "Never" hurt me...they made me feel good...they put me high up on a Pedestal....and I Admire each one of them !!!! :)

                These days,I have been comparing the Married Men to the unmarried lot. It's a laughing matter and its not an exaggeration if I were to say...."Men have forgotten to evolve". They are still in the cave mans hunting stage with of course, the modern gadgets,which makes life oh so "complicatedly simple" .Its universal all over Young,Old,Married,Unmarried,Divorced...what ever the status may be,the one thing "he" wants "You" have it... To each his own....I'm not the ashamed one here...cause I wont point fingers at anyone. I like to live my life,at my will,on my  terms....You can live yours,the way you please.

             So, here is a small incident.. my Married friend ( my childhood classmate ) K.K lives in China.He has been married for over,18yrs. He calls me up  time to time,we chat for hrs at end.Each time he calls me, he tells me, that, he wants to "see" me...He is willing to fly all the way to India. So, out of curiosity,I emailed my travel itenary to him....well, yeah !! you guessed right....He'll be in India,when I'm there, :P....I was listening to him with a naughty grin on my face....Hey,listen...the ball is still in my court.I can always,back off from seeing him... :). I wasn't surprised when he said he would fly down for a couple of days and fly back to China.I was expecting something like that...Lol

             I'm totally okay with relationships,relationships,which mean no harm,which are safe,which do not hurt the either and their loved ones,which are long distance, LDR,which have years of earned respect and understanding.Relationships which can be openly spoken about and not hidden. The type of relationship I have with K.K is okay and normal and there is nothing to hide,my other half is well aware of.....but,the problem arises when ....He is ready to fly all the way from China to India,for a "day" to meet me....this is kinda not Normal in my opinion :). You don't need to be a Rocket Scientist,to guess what K.K is after.... huh.

             Am I supposed to feel pride or Am I supposed to run away??  As far as I have known ,I guess, I send those vibes across ( unknowingly ) which men take it as a Invitation to flirt...Lolz. Nothing wrong with men flirting,they are meant to do that,But,I have still not understood...."why with me" ?? I don't remember encouraging any Man ( believe me ) . Well,I come across aggressive at times, I'm also....cool,cute,friendly,attentive,talkative.
Never,thought of myself as flirty or sexy ...

           I have a long list of married men,who have at one time or the other proposed,flirted or directly asked me out...A husband of my best friend...best friend of 20+ yrs !! My reaction was of total disbelief and surprise...For the last 8yrs,He has been calling me all the way from India...yep nothing great..but listen to this...He drives a couple of hrs from his remote Estate... due to connectivity issues,he,drives all the way to the city,( Mysore or  Bangalore) once a week,only to call Me !! How do you expect me to react ?? Tell my best friend ? tell her,her hubby is flirting with me? It all began with innocent decent talks,in the beginning. But,as time went by,innocence was replaced by bold demands/wants/flirty remarks.
 I didn't want to upset the delicate balance and spoil my relationship with my Best Friend of 20+ yrs...If I happened to answer his call,I would make some polite conversations,after a short while make some excuse and end the call..and hoped by some miracle he would take it as a hint and stop calling....Nopes,nothing worked,in fact he would get upset or irritated at me....So,I used the best weapon we women use....Ignore,ignored his calls,in the hope,He would get the message and stop calling.This didn't work too...for a while the calls went on....It took him 8 long yrs,to give up !!...sadly it ended with a sour note... :(  However,I'm still in good terms with my Best Friend,and she knows nothing about this whole episode....

              The Unmarried on the other hand...oh goshh, what do I say...Lolzzz...they can send me to the Moon one night,buy me the Stars...walk on the clouds...Eat ice cream on a snowy night....Praise me...embrace me.. even with all my insults, still,flaunt me....Only....To bed Me !!! :P

            After all my studies and comparing between the Married and the Unmarried lot....I still, prefer the Married,however ( at a arms length ) because, they are more easy to deal with and most of them are very understanding.They are also very appreciative and polite, unlike the other unmarried lot. The single men are more or less fickle minded,opportunistic by nature and also quick to hop in and out...Thus making me push them to the back burners... Lolz. This is a generalized assessment of course...