The Person I Took For Granted~~KUSUM~~My Amma

We have all noticed how time flies...Goshhh.. I woke up as usual...My little one woke up a little earlier than usual,and I was,having lots on my mind today....
    As a morning ritual I have (karela juice) bitter gourd juice with fenugreek seed powder mixed in.Been taking this since a long time now.As I was having this ...I got this strong urge to write ...in fact pour out my feelings...I know its impossible for most of us to write about certain topics,you need to be prepared mentally...go back in time,collect pieces from here and there,put them together and try to make some sense out of that story or the fact of life...which once seemed so true to you,which you are going to cherish or hold on too  at times and situations they come up to haunt you or save you from your plight....some times they tease ... to ridicule you ...or it can also be a long hard grudge ......and at other times....They are just Fond Memories......
         I have been wanting to write about a Person in my life...whom I took for granted...whom we all have taken for granted  at some point in our life....Yet She is always there for us...in our Joys she is the one who sheds tears....out of Joy.....in our fears ..she is the one who shields us ....in our sorrow...she is the one we look up to for comfort...in our pain she is the one we run too...She has played the role Beautifully....Given care...Love...Warmth..and as I'm typing my eyes are moist at the thought of Her.....KUSUM my Mother...this is for You !!!!!...Love you Amma !!!
         I'm confused as to where to begin,there is so much to write,so many beautiful memories...listening to the track by {Colonial Cousins} Indian Rali...memories crowding my mind.....I used to listen to this track once upon a time seems so long ago...growing up back home....I have come such a long long way...I the one who used to be so depending on my Amma all the while...(lets not make it my story...I want to remain in the background....and let my Amma take the lead role...Play her part)........
           The most Beautiful woman,I have ever known, both inside and outside....most Patient...most tolerating...most caring...most giving...Simple down to Earth....with one goal in her Heart to give Love....may be she did have expectations...may be she did want Love back...she never asked and I never gave....Never showed her I cared...may be I just didn't...She was there for me..and I took advantage of her presence...that was it, life for me was made simple...I took no responsibilities,for anything...Amma was there a Strong back bone for All of us....little did I realize,this back bone of mine was actually deteriorating,was getting fragile,was getting weak..physically....Amma never complained... always was hardworking,keeping the family together...maintaining the Peace and covering up our flaws...what do I call you Amma??? Survivor...Warrior...Angel...I just know you as my "Amma".......
            I want my children to know more about their..{Mamia}...my older child fondly called her..."Mamia". My little one never got a chance to know Amma,spend time with her...Love her. I may not be able to do full justice to this Wonderful Woman ...who molded me...guided me...transformed me....its just my attempt at...bringing my children closer and helping them to know a little about Amma.
          A simple woman,with high ambitions,I still cant relate to this amazing fact...She was not very highly Educated...coming from a Business background,and belonging to a tiny Village,The school system in those days was not too good,and,Amma had this passion to learn,go to college.But,she found herself being faced with lot of road blocks,She faced, a lot of hardships at a very tender age...she couldn't continue with her Education..being a drop out...her Ambition in life was to learn to speak,a foreign language.....with desire in heart..love for her siblings...she continued her life...with all the hardships...may be she was ridiculed...may be she was taken for granted...She reminds me of Cinderella....I'm trying to keep the language simple,I want my kids to read this and understand their Mamia....Yes,I can  call this beautiful Lady..."Cinderella"....She found her Prince,my Papa...why do these fairy tales have such cute and happily ever after kind of endings..??...Well yet again,if they didn't then where's the difference between fairy tales and reality..???
        Back to reality,Amma did like her life being married to her Prince,Living in a joint family may not seem very difficult,(ask me).Well you do have the,pros and cons.My Grandpa was the head of the huge Family consisting of 23 members in all plus the 8 maids and helpers.When growing up it was a big party time for me through out.Little did we as kids realize the pressure and tension of being a Adult.I would see my Amma...busy busy busy in the house all the time,catering to everyone,taking care of every one's needs,Never complaining,Never tired....yes, I did see those tears,wet pillows,( and not once did I ask her.....why??).
        She had this beautiful nature,of making everyone feel welcomed.( may be, that is the reason why,we had so many guest coming over, every season and over staying their stay...ha)She not only took care of the Family,she was also very kind towards the 8 helpers.The fact is, even to this date she is fondly remembered by them.As a kid, I remember seeing them,waiting patiently for their "Kusum Akka".Some memories are so hard to wipe out,they remain with us cause we don't want to let go of them so easily,is it because we cling to it?? or is it because they are Fond memories??
           Back then in my Home town,we had very few Convent schools,it was considered prestigious,to be student at these convent schools,comparatively,the school fees was almost twice the amount of any other school.It was my Amma's vision to see her kids go to these schools.I'm the proud one to say, I was the First kid, to get enrolled in a convent school,next followed by my siblings and then my younger cousins.
          Amma was my Rock of Gibraltar, The strong one,and I leaned on her too much.( and she let me lean).Like all parents she too wanted to see me settle down have children.She made life less complicated,by just doing everyone Good and letting everyone take her for Granted..huh.She never complained to complain,that was one way she hid her insecurities,her hurt,her pain....Being a Simple Woman,she had no idea about the world around her,the meanness of the people around her, I'm pushed to believe that she either didn't understand or chose to ignore.I wish Amma taught me how to tackle the World around me,I had to learn it the hard way!! learn it by myself....Now that I know,I take it upon me to,mold my girls,make them aware of their surroundings.The Good and the Evil we get to see of the people,the back stabbers....the list goes on....Amma,amma,amma...didn't you see all this coming???? or is it that,You wanted, Me to learn it the hard way??
         Amma I miss you,We all miss you...I wish you were here to see my babies grow.I try to walk in ur shoes Amma,But,naah its so difficult.You had such a Warm,Generous Heart,and I just can't seem to be, that, Generous in terms of Forgiving.You were a epitome of Tolerance,Patience,Kindness...Why is that I'm so different ??? Is it because I live in a different time?? or is it because, I'm incapable of being like You...Amma,I know You are always around us,I need your Strength,to face this world and raise my babies...to be like You !!!


                      "Miss you and Love You Amma....Always"